The Myth of a Christian Baby Daddy

Recently, in an historic first, the state of Alabama passed a near total ban on abortion at any stage of human fetal development. Furthermore, the ban includes the threat of prosecution for any person performing an abortion, with the possibility of life imprisonment. In an entirely expected response, the liberal industrial complex has retorted back via social media and other activist venues. Somewhat comically, their proposed response is a combination of Alyssa Milano’s so-called #SexStrike and the proposal of laws which create a legal obligation to be imposed on men who father children, both to the mother and to the unborn child.

Conservatives have mused that these things already exist… we call them abstinence and marriage.

However, one part of the conversation that has not really been addressed or explored, is the idea of unmarried Christian men who father children and then fail to take responsibility for the new reality their fornication has brought about.

This article is, in part, a response to a Facebook interaction I recently had with popular blogger and podcaster Aimee Byrd. She posted a Medium.com article titled Men Cause 100% of Unwanted Pregnancies written by Gabrielle Blair. The article is actually a tamed down version of a Twitter tirade, which more or less argued that women bear none of the responsibility for unwanted pregnancies, and are simply victims of male aggression and selfishness (It is important to note that this is not the point that Aimee was making in posting the article. Aimee’s point, more-or-less, was that banning abortion by means of legislation is only part of the solution. Accountability for men needs to take place as well). The point of this article is not to rebut that thesis, foolish as it is.[ref]Just to underline the point, this is the closing line of Blair’s article. “To reduce or eliminate abortions, stop attempting to control women’s bodies and sexuality. Because unwanted pregnancies are caused by men.”[/ref]

Instead, I wanted to discuss something that came up in the course of the brief interaction I had with Aimee (who I have nothing but respect for by-the-bye). I wrote

The men who cause unwanted pregnancies are, by-and-large, unregenerate pagans. The answer isn’t to blame men, it is to preach the Gospel.

followed by

That said, yes, men need to be held accountable. Men who impregnate women, and are not willing to step up and care for that woman and their child, for life, should be put out of the church as unbelievers (this does not always mean marriage, although I would say that should ultimately be the goal)

Aimee’s response was

…It is not only pagan men who do not take responsibility.

This is something that I think needs to be addressed.

For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God? – 1 Peter 4:17 ESV

Aimee is right, if what she means is that there are Christian men who fornicate, and as a result sire children. Aimee is right that these men need to take responsibility.

However, Aimee is wrong in asserting that there is such a thing as a Christian man who sires a child and fails to take responsibility.

The simple fact is this: Fornication is a sinful event that happens at a point in time, but has an end. However, if a child is created as a result of this sinful event, and there is a failure to take proper responsibility for the care of both that child and his mother… that man lives in unrepentant sin until the moment he rectifies the situation.

Failure to care for your child, and by extension for your child’s mother, is a violation of the 5th commandment. The Westminster Larger Catechism elaborates.

Q. 129. What is required of superiors towards their inferiors?
A. It is required of superiors, according to that power they receive from God, and that relation wherein they stand, to love, pray for, and bless their inferiors; to instruct, counsel, and admonish them; countenancing, commending, and rewarding such as do well; and discountenancing, reproving, and chastising such as do ill; protecting, and providing for them all things necessary for soul and body: and by grave, wise, holy, and exemplary carriage, to procure glory to God, honor to themselves, and so to preserve that authority which God hath put upon them.

Q. 130. What are the sins of superiors?
A. The sins of superiors are, besides the neglect of the duties required of them, an inordinate seeking of themselves, their own glory, ease, profit, or pleasure; commanding things unlawful, or not in the power of inferiors to perform; counseling, encouraging, or favoring them in that which is evil; dissuading, discouraging, or discountenancing them in that which is good; correcting them unduly; careless exposing, or leaving them to wrong, temptation, and danger; provoking them to wrath; or any way dishonoring themselves, or lessening their authority, by an unjust, indiscreet, rigorous, or remiss behavior.

Fathers have an obligation to love, pray for, and bless their children and wives. To instruct, counsel, and admonish them. To commend and chastise. To protect and provide for them. Further, they are forbidden to neglect any of these duties. (See 2 Corinthians 12:14, Ephesians 6:4)

A man who fathers a child, and commits himself to a course of life which involves shirking the responsibility of raising and providing for that child, and his mother, is committed to a life which involves a permanent and ongoing intentional rebellion against God. As far as sins go… this one is specially called out in Scripture as particularly heinous.

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8 ESV

Do you see what Paul is saying? A man who shirks his responsibility is not just a Christian who sins, but someone who has, in fact, denied the faith. Their stubborn and high handed sin has revealed that whatever profession of faith they may have made, was false.

So, this brings us to the question of how it is that the Church is to respond to men who are in our midst who both claim to be Christian, but refuse to take responsibility for the child they beget in their fornication (This does not always mean marriage).

Simply put, the Church is to bring to bear the full Power of the Keys in proclaiming the Law and Gospel in relation to this sinner.

If he repents, and in so doing takes responsibility for this child and his mother, then we have won a brother (Matthew 18:15). If he refuses, then the elders of the Church are to judicially proclaim that he is to us an unsaved pagan (Matthew 18:17-20), forbid him from joining the assembly of the saints (1 Corinthians 5:13), and Christians are to refuse to fellowship or associate with him until such a time as repentance and responsibility comes about (1 Corinthians 5:11).

The fact of the matter is this: No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him. (1 John 3:6)